Friday, February 15, 2008

I'm A Clutz. Make That A Dumb Clutz.

Warning: This post contains graphic images of a mutilated musical instrument. If such content is too strong for you, or if reading about people doing ridiculously stupid things and getting hurt will make you squirm uncomfortably (like my mom does when she watches The Office,) then you should probably turn away now and check in with me another day.

Have you ever hurt yourself doing something so stupid that you cringed every time someone asked you what happened because you were going to have to tell them? Like the time when a nameless person (who gave birth to me) sliced her finger to the bone, requiring stitches, because she was using a Cutco knife to scrape up the last bits of tasty goodness from the pull-apart bread plate on Christmas night? Or when my dear anonymous friend (whose name rhymes with "candy" and begins with an "M") broker her wrist when she crashed on her 5-year old's Razor scooter? Well, do I have a story for you.

First, a little background. Jared & I, as conscientious parents, make every effort to expose our children to culture at an early age. Money is no object in our pursuit of a classical education for our children, which is why Ian has learned so much from his music appreciation courses-- available on Playhouse Disney (tee hee!) He loves Little Einsteins, a show on which the four young characters explore classical music and art in a silly red jet that they call "Rocket". (I do not understand why Rocket is a character on the show, rather than just a vehicle, but this show was written for an audience of 3-7 year olds, so I guess I'm not supposed to understand. But I digress.) Anyhow, Ian is very interested in musical instruments and knows the names of many including cello, viola, trumpet, harp, . . . you get the picture. He has been asking for a "real trumpet" for some time now. So when we were visiting my mom earlier this month, Jared was clearing out her basement, garage, and store room for her and found a trumpet in her "Deseret Industries" pile. It had been left out in the rain and was no longer a fine instrument, so we figured that it was perfect for our three year old maestro. We brought it home and he was thrilled and has even slept with it on several occasions over the past two weeks.

Yesterday afternoon, I was trying to get Ian down for a nap. Lately, it is no easy feat to get him to do anything that he doesn't want to do, so I was using all my cunning to lure him into his bedroom. (Generally, once he's in there and I'm reading to him, the process goes fairly well.) So, I said, "Let's play hide and seek. I'll go hide!" I took off running and heard him coming down the hall after me without stopping to count. Rather than telling him to stop and count, I sped up. Rather than just standing behind the bedroom door (since the whole point was to get him into his bedroom,) I decided that I needed to hide. I did not bother to turn on the light because 1) there wasn't time--he was hot on my heels, and 2) it's easier to hide in the dark, right?

I flung myself down in the narrow space between his bed and the window, only to discover a trumpet there, beneath my thigh. I cannot describe the pain, but please remember that I was running and that I need to lose some weight, so the force with which I struck the trumpet was significant. I laid there, moaning "owie, owie, owie," with tears streaming down my face. The only good thing was that it got Ian's attention. He was very concerned, since I was clearly in pain. (No, he never did fall asleep, the little stinker.)

When I turned on the light and looked at the trumpet, this is what I saw:
Poor trumpet. I will spare you a photo of my multi-colored thigh. That really would be too much! Jared has managed to bend the bell almost back to normal, but my leg will not be the same for some time. So if you see me limping along, don't ask what happened. It's really too ridiculous to tell.


Anonymous said...

Hoo hoo hoo Hee hee hee. Oh, I like this story very very much. I wish it had been a tuba; that might have been even funnier. Better yet, I wish it had made a low loud desperate moan when it got squashed. Oh, yes, I like this story. I hope you're OK, but I'm glad you bravely sacrificed your thigh for my hearty belly laugh today. Erin

Rebecca said...

Oh, I alternately laughed out loud and "Oh, poor thing"-ed you while reading this post! You must be awfully sore!

I'm wincing for you!

(I'm so glad you came by!)

Nicolette said...

Thank you for this post. I'm sorry you're hurt, and I hope you feel better soon, but it was a long day and reading this was the perfect way to laugh before hitting the sack... I'll check to make sure there is nothing there before I lay down:)

Oh, and look at the positive, you successfully got Ian into his room. Bravo!

scrap chair potato said...

OUCH!! Hey, at least it wasn't a million dollar violin that I read about today that was broken into pieces by its owner. I am willing to bet you would win on the bodily injury end of the story though!
I wonder--will Ian ever let you live this one down? I know if it were one of my children; I would hear about how I broke their favorite toy for a very long time.
I hope your spin classes are not affected by this!

Anonymous said...

When did you do this? Did you come and make dinner with a bruised leg?
I'm afraid the trumpet might sound a little flat now.(Tee-Hee) sorry.


mindyluwho said...

My thigh hurts does my stomach from laughing! Owie!

Allison said...

You're a great story teller. I was laughing so hard at the way you told the story and then posted the bent trumpet picture.

Flint asked me what I was laughing at, but when I explained, he looked at me like I was a monster for laughing because my sister had gotten hurt. I tried to explain that I wasn't laughing at your pain, but the stiuation... he still didn't think it was funny. I guess I will just have to have him read it himself.

Anonymous said...

Ok so now I dont feel so stupid... I hate the feeling when you are laying there in pain and not only are you crying from the pain but your also laughing... When I fell on the scooter I cried and laughed I felt like a total fool... At least the whole neighborhood wasnt watching..

Erika said...

Oh my gosh I just laughed so hard to the point that both Jen (she's in town) and Tyler stopped what they were doing to see why I was laughing so hard.
Great picture!

Rebecca said...

I didn't laugh, I was relieved. I was expecting that you had really cut yourself or broken bones...I was glad it was just a bruised thigh. And, I also read about the million dollar violin smashed earlier and it reminded me of that!

Andrea said...

The things that moms will do to get their little ones to nap! Then...ouch! I hope you can still spin!

Anonymous said...

I don't know, Michal. I think the definition of a "dumb clutz" is someone who plays kickball with a bunch of 7-year-olds (while wearing flip-flops, of course) and tears her calf muscle. Now that's just plain dumb! :)

Becky said...

I have to admit that I was laughing very hard as well as saying "Poor Michal" through this whole story. I am sending you lots of "don't sit on my lap" vibes.

Kimberly said...

Oh no!

At least it made an entertaining blog post?

Yvonne said...

When I saw the trumpet I said, "Ouch" out loud and my husband looked over my shoulder and reminded me that a trumpet is an in-animate object and does not feel pain... I just gave him that "exasperated" look.

Hope that you enjoy the beautiful colors of the rainbow, on your leg.

Mahina said...

ouch! that's all i can say is, "ouch!"

a10cowwoman said...

You got some chuckles and sympathy out of me with that story.

Jim Hutchings said...

You almost got me in trouble with this post. I laughed loud enough for my client to come to my cubicle and see what I was doing. Sorry to smile at your pain, but you knew that was going to happen when you posted it I'm sure.

The Egel Nest said...

I played trumpet in high never quite got that beat up :)

The Egel Nest