Sunday, December 2, 2007

Nursing My Wounds

After my last post, someone anonymously left me a hurtful and critical comment. When I read it, I was so stunned and hurt that I immediately deleted it. Later, I wondered if that was censoring something in order to paint a rosier picture of myself, which was not my intent. I just somehow hoped that if I deleted it, it couldn't hurt me anymore. Alas, the words have haunted me for two days now.
I will admit that part of it is that I want everyone to like me. Shameless, but true. So the fact that someone out there doesn't like me hurts, even though I think it's perfectly reasonable that everyone out there doesn't like everyone else.
But beyond that, I keep wondering if what they said was true? Do I come across as smug? I certainly don't mean to. What I am trying to achieve through this blog is:
  • to stand up for motherhood as a divine calling
  • to support other moms (and be supported by them) who are struggling with the same things I am
  • to find the humor and the joy in the everyday events of my life
  • to share our goings on with family and friends
  • to inspire others as well as myself to be a little better
I am not trying to put myself out there as someone you all should aspire to be like, nor to say that I am the ideal mother. I don't feel remotely smug, so I was bothered by the accusation and wonder if I am poorly communicating my true feelings. And struck by the irony of the comment, so recently after posting about how hurtful words can be.
In reality, I just need to get over it and stop caring if someone out there finds me smug or irritating. I have spent too much time since that comment thinking about myself and nursing my wounds. Time to look outside of myself and to lift someone else. Enough about me.


Anonymous said...

I have read your last blog over and over I dont know how someone could think that you were being smug... I felt that you were being truthful about what a strugle you were having that day... Not that I want you to have a bad day but its refreshing to know others have stugles just like me and I'm normal... Your a wonderful mom and friend dont let it get you down someone either dosent know you very well or the were having a bad day and couldnt see the positive in you and took it wronge....Mandy

Melissa said...

Anyone who has a personal relationship with you knows that you are anything but smug. You are a wonderful and amazing person and have such love for your fellow man. Don't let someone second guess your reasons for your blog. I love reading your blog. None of us are perfect and we each have our days that we need to take a step back and evaluate ourselves and sometimes vent our frustrations. Don't let it get you down.

Macy said...

I like you. And I ditto what Mandy said. I'll write a party report soon. I need to finish cleaning it up first. :)

Michal said...

mandy, melissa, and macy,
thanks, you guys. even though i need to move on, it is nice to have assurances from friends that i'm not the horrible monster that i feared! i'll post something that is less about my woes soon!:)

Anonymous said...

I would like to punch anonymous in the nose, but that would just bring me down to their level.
The Savor was rejected and he taught us to love our enemies.
So we must love anonymous and politely disagreed with their assessment. You are correct to dwell on the comments made, just gives undue importance to the author.
Some people don't like me. Can
you imagine? The nerve of some people!
We love you!


Anonymous said...

I figured out what smug means. S.M.U.G.,


Aubrey said...

You are definitley not smug! Quite the opposite. Actually, I always thought of you as a people magnate because of your friendly and outgoing disposition. (And who, really, doesn't want everyone to like them? You are not shamless, just honest enough to admit it!!)
In reading you do not come across smugly, either. If someone doesn't like the blog, why in the in world do they take the time to read it??
Anyhow, I think you and your blog are great and I have loved getting to know your family this way!

Rebecca said...

I'm just confused. I guess someone doesn't like the fact that you accept your mistakes and focus on making them better. Most likely anonymous doesn't have the ambition that you have and sees your ability to vocalize and work towards a goal in life an insult to them.

One Mormons people often put us down and hate us because of our high ambitions. They see it as self-rightousness, when they really should just accept us as we are and accept that they choose to do differently. I haven't read the comment, but it sounds more like a lashing out from someone who dislikes their own ambition in life and has no confidence in their own choices. A classic school-yard tantrum.

By the way...another definition of "smug" is: trim; spruce; smooth; sleek! Maybe they were saying how darn good looking you are and they're just jealous!

Suldog said...

There will always be someone who doesn't understand you.

(I prefer to think of it that way, rather than believing that someone doesn't like the essence of me; the core of what I am.)

All you can do is try to explain yourself as clearly as possible. If you feel you've done so, but someone still doesn't understand you? All you can do is move on - and say a prayer for them, if you feel up to it.

For what it's worth, I like you a lot :-)

Kimberly said...

How could someone find fault with a sweetheart like you?! Beyond comprehension, it really is.

Although, some people do get angry when they see someone who exemplifies the things they know they should be, but aren't, doing.

I'm guessing that's it. =)

Be Inspired Always said...

I just found your blog tonight and I don't see you as smug either. Sometimes people just don't have anything else to do, but put down people/blogs.

It's difficult not to take it personally, but please know it's not true, from someone that barely knows you.

Please feel welcomed to come and visit my blog.


Harry's Mom said...

Okay, I have to weigh in here! You are so not smug. You have always amazed me! I remember you in high school - so popular and yet so friendly to all the rejects and social outcasts (how compassionate of me!). You are the best. Don't let the bozos get you down. If there's one thing I've learned, you can't please all the people all the time. Just accept it. And love yourself. I love you!