Virtual Friends Become Reality

If you've ever read Sonja's blog, The Wonder Years, you might wonder if her life is really as idyllic and magical as her poetic words and stunning photos convey.

It is.
Sonja and I discovered that we were kindred spirits through blogging over two years ago. We share a love of motherhood, of learning and teaching our children, of the Savior, of reading, and a desire to be better for our families. On this trip through Utah, I finally got to meet Sonja and her family. It was surreal to be entering their home and feel like I was seeing old friends. I knew the kids well, but they didn't know me at all!

Sonja and I fell into comfortable chatting immediately and the kids became fast friends in a home that clearly welcomed them to be children.

You may remember that I have been ogling The Sweet Tooth Fairy bakery from afar for ages, and when I found that there was a new one on the way to Sonja's, I decided it was the perfect excuse to try their cupcakes.
The most wonderful thing about the afternoon was the fact that it felt just the way she conveys it. Nothing fancy or posh. Lots of love, learning, and laughter. It just felt like a happy place to live and be. And I really, really, really want to be her next door neighbor.

The time went by too quickly and soon it was time to say good-bye. Anna and Bronwen exchanged love gifts as if they were life-long BFFs.

I found myself tearing up a little as we drove away, like I used to when I left my sister's or mom's house knowing I wouldn't see them again for a long time. I knew it was silly, and yet you cannot convince me that our friendship, although more virtual than face-t0-face, is anything but real.

Thank you, Sonja, for your example to me of a wonderful mother. I want my home to feel like yours does and pray that my children will be as happy and comfortable in their own skin as yours clearly are.

I'm grateful that if we can't be next-door neighbors, I can still be touched by your life in the virtual world.

A New Favorite

My friend, Jenni, just opened an Etsy shop a week or so ago and has filled it with GORGEOUS handmade jewelry. You simply must go take a look and then leave me a comment telling me which YOU like best. Or better yet, buy one! I personally respond to turquoise the most, but the stick pearls are also unique and incredibly chic. Here are a few of my favorites, although I have a hard time narrowing it down to just one or two.

Don't you think a nice piece of jewelry would be a lovely gift from a husband to a wife who had just delivered his fifth child? I do!:)

Taking Note

As you know, I had the blessing of spending two weeks visiting family and old friends this month. Upon returning home, I have been reflecting on all the things I learned from the mothers with whom I visited. With some of them, I have had many opportunities to observe them mothering their children. Others I had not had the chance to spend much time with since they became mothers. I am so grateful for each of these women and the things that they taught me about how to mother my own. I know that none of them are perfect (they would be quick to protest such praise themselves), and I try hard to dispel the myth of the perfect mom, but we can take note of their strengths and try to make them ours as well.

Angela, my sister-in-law, reminded me (without saying a word to me), of the importance of quiet discipline. Angela is so wonderful when her children misbehave. She gets down on their level and firmly but lovingly discusses with them the bad choices they are making. There is no question that her children feel safe and loved even when they are in big trouble. This is a concern of mine when I yell or harshly scold. I want my children to feel safe and never doubt my love for them. Of course I already knew that I should be doing this, but watching Angela in action made me resolve to do it more often, and not just when I can tell that the old lady in the grocery store is watching!
Lindsee, another SIL, makes fun and relationships a priority over her to-do list. She doesn't let a sink of dirty dishes stop her from taking time with her children when they need it. She thinks that this is a weakness, but I see great strength in her ability to be a Mary when I tend towards Martha. The dishes will always wait patiently, and although they must eventually be washed, the needs of our children are so much more vital than a clean kitchen. Lindsee also gets involved in the fun, not worried about getting dirty or being uncomfortable. I have made a note to walk away from my chores more often and have fun with my kids when I could be doing housework.


Molly, our new(ish) step-cousin, is another great example. I mostly know Molly from reading her blog, but we've met a time or two before, prior to her being a mother. Molly has two daughters, a three year old and a three month old with some special needs. Molly is a wonderful example of having a cheerful heart and a can-do attitude. We got to spend some time together at our family reunion on the 4th of July and Molly wasn't flustered and stressed out, even when her baby was fussing and being needy. She wasn't feeling sorry for herself that she was missing out on all the fun while most of us were out in the orchard enjoying dinner and she was inside trying to calm down Alice. And when I sat down to talk with her, she didn't fill my ear up with how hard it is to have a child with special needs . . . she was upbeat, happy, and full of light. I loved visiting with Molly and holding precious Alice until she went to sleep. And I remembered how often I tend to stress out when things aren't going just the way I expected them to. I'm a control freak that way. And I want to chill out and be more like Molly--willing to go with the flow rather than trying to control everything and falling apart when I can't. (I didn't take a picture of Molly, but here is her dad, Tom, with baby Alice.)


Being around Bec, my cousin, reminded me of something that I'd noted when I'd been to visit her in Washington, DC last fall. It's something so little and yet I have tried to change my ways with Bronwen because of Bec's example. Here's what I learned from Bec: she lets her toddlers feed themselves messy foods. On a regular basis. Okay, this may not seem strange to you. It isn't strange. But as you can already tell from the earlier lessons I've mentioned above, I'm kind of a controlling kinda girl who is striving to loosen up. My independent one year olds? They tend to eat foods that won't make a big tremendous mess. Until I visited Bec, it didn't even OCCUR to me to put milk on the cereal of a child under four. I know that it ridiculous, but it's the sad and honest truth. But I am a new woman. I give spaghetti covered in sauce (not plain) to my baby now, cereal with milk and a spoon (knowing full well it will get dumped on the floor,) yogurt in her own cup . . . I am finding that it is so much easier than feeding her myself, plus she is so much happier to be feeding herself these messy foods. I'm also thinking that it may help her not grow up to be as picky as her older brothers, who were fed less messy foods (and thus, less variety) at her age. Bec, you may think that this is a silly non-lesson, but it is clearly one that I needed to learn. And watching Brandon eat a bowl of cereal and milk on the ground at the parade reminded me of it. (See how his baby brother, Trevor, wants in on the action?)


Heidi has been a friend of mine since we were teenagers. We used to go to stake dances together, toilet papered many a house together, and played a few practical jokes one year at girls' camp. She was a year younger than me, went to a different high school and ward, so we spent time together in spurts until we were roommates for a couple of years at BYU. I had really only seen Heidi a couple of times since she became a mom five years ago, and those times were at events like weddings when I didn't get to really watch her in action. This time, Heidi's mothering really stood out to me because she was so relaxed about letting the kids be kids. I know Heidi well enough to know that she likes to control things around her as much as I do, but she was so low-key about kids coming in and out of the backyard with grassy, wet feet, kids leaving the sliding door open when it was 25 degrees warmer outside than in, kids spreading toys all over the family room floor while sitting on the carpet in their damp (or soaking wet) bathing suits. Now don't get me wrong--Heidi's house was not a mess. It was clean and neat when we got there, and I'm sure that she keeps it looking nice. But Heidi's mothering reminded me that the kids are more important than the clean house or the electric bill. She was happy that they were having fun and wasn't going to spend the hour and a half that she had to catch up with Alli and me nagging her kids to close the door and wipe their feet. Her house felt clean and neat enough, but it also felt homey, lived in, and comfortable. Just the place you'd want to be. And the fresh brownies, hummus with french bread, and chips and salsa (all of our old foods) that were waiting when we arrived added to that homey welcome. Because she was relaxed, I was relaxed, and didn't worry about my kids being perfect either.

Erin, aka Prudence Pennywise, is Heidi's older sister. She and I became friends when she returned home from her mission and moved in with Heidi and me and some others at BYU. This was a special blessing for me at the time, because it was my junior year at BYU and the year I really needed to decide if I was going to serve a mission. Erin was a wonderful influence on me then, as she is now. I really miss being able to stay up all night talking to her. She has also been a great influence on my love for cooking. Anyway, we got to spend an afternoon swimming with her and her kids, then had a delicious Mexican feast, then talked and talked until it was too late and we needed to be in bed. One of the things that Erin said while we were talking struck me. She said, "You know the kind of family that saves all the fun for the adults, after the kids are in bed? It's all about the adults in those families when they get together." Hmmmm, I wondered. Does that sound familiar? I will admit that I am someone who is anxious to get my kids to bed at night (by 7:30 if at all possible) so that I can have some time without them. Now, my kids are also early risers regardless of what time they get to bed, so I have always justified their early bedtime easily, since they need to sleep. But I don't know if I spend a lot of time making sure that they have plenty of fun when we are together as a family. Sunday nights after dinner we race to get the kids to be so that we can play games with the other adults in the family. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to change this, but it's the mindset that I'd like to borrow from Erin. She knows how to make everything fun--and she'd never dream of denying that to her kids. We (all--not just the grown ups) had so much fun on our visit there that I'm already trying to figure out a way to get back to St. George sooner than later. (Since Erin and I managed to stay out of all the pictures, I'll just have to post some of our children enjoying the food together. And not one of my picky eaters was anything other than th-rilled at the food.)



I'll bet if I thought about it some more, I could name something wonderful that I learned from every aunt, cousin, and friend that I came across on my two week jaunt. I can't help but feel so grateful and humbled that the Lord has surrounded me with strong women of faith, who love their children and are striving to be the best mothers they can be. Their influence on me is a great blessing in my life.

More Reasons to Adore My Husband

(Not that you should adore him. These are reasons for me to adore him.)

Saturday, I had the chance to go to San Francisco for the day with a few friends and sisters (my SIL, Lindsee was visiting from Salt Lake City) to have a Mom's Day Off. This trip was facilitated by my husband in two ways:

1. He kept the kids all day. (And cleaned the house, to boot!)
   
2. He convinced a friend who owns a limo service to take us at no charge. Hazatah!
   

We spent the day in the Union Square shopping district. We all bought a little, but no one went crazy. We had a great time being together, looking for the perfect purchase, soaking up the city and the great architecture (especially at Neiman Marcus and Williams-Sonoma), and enjoying fabulous food. Here are a few of the highlights, although I confess that the camera stayed in my purse for much of the day. It was a completely frivolous day, which feels good once in a while.

Chuck William's personal table, which was on the third floor of the four-story Williams-Sonoma flagship store. Or should I just call it paradise? What I should have captured with my camera was the long wall of linens. Breathtaking is not too strong a word.

The foyer of Neiman Marcus, which holds all the cosmetic counters. Although our group spent 45 minutes in this store, I never got past the Laura Mercier counter, where I got a little make-over. I splurged on the best tinted moisturizer I've ever found and a new lipstick. Happy birthday to me!:) Heard rumors that the others fell in love with a pair of $4,000 shoes. Yikes!


Here is the dome above the cosmetic counters. It came piece by piece from the Paris store.


We had lunch at Max's on the Square (the Max's near us closed it's doors two years ago and we've never forgotten how much we loved it); and dinner at Lupa, one of my favorite restaurants ever. Somehow I mostly got pictures of Isaac, our only male and baby, enjoying his food. He had the waiters at Lupa wrapped around his finger. At one point they even picked him up and showed him the cooking area!


A little girl's apron we loved in Anthropologie; there wasn't much we didn't love in that store. Unfortunately it was our last store of the day and didn't get the time it really deserved. (Confession-- we took a picture hoping that someone could duplicate this for less than the $24 price tag. That's so very Mormon of me:)

Other highlights which deserved a photo but didn't get one include: a group of women doing what can only be described as synchronized swimming on bars in the square; finding H&M, which is often featured on What Not to Wear--and discovering it to be very affordable; the two story Talbot's, with huge comfy chairs to take a quick break on; the lemon white chocolate tart at Lupa's; and not having to drive home when we were exhausted, full, and a bit drowsy.

Better yet, when I got home my house was spotless and my children fast asleep. I hope the other girls can say the same!

Thanks, honey! You're the best.

Introducing . . .

Ladies and Gentlemen (are there at least two of you boys out there?), I am pleased to introduce Prudence Pennywise, the alter ego and blog of one of my dearest friends, former roommates, and cooking mentors. She just launched this amazing blog featuring delicious food for a great price. I will vouch for each and every recipe, even if I haven't tried them yet. But I will be getting busy to make some of the Nantucket Cranberry White Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies as soon as I locate the ingredients (I'm at my mom's, whose pantry is not as prepared for spur-of-the-moment cookie baking.)
You simply must check out Prudy, leave her a comment telling her I sent you (so she knows who loves her best,) and try a recipe today.

Soapbox Time

Everyone has their pet peeves. Things that drive them crazy. Jared can't handle if you stand over him, especially if you are eating something. I know because I do it to him all the time! I hate when people use apostrophes where they don't belong. I edit everything I read without really being conscious of the fact that I'm doing it until I run across a grievous error and realize that I am bugged. But today's soapbox is not going to be about grammar.

Something I hate more than grammatical errors are destructive attitudes about motherhood. Since there are so many of those in society today, most of us have bought into some of them, whether we realize it or not. Recently, a girlfriend came to me, troubled about what to do. Here's the situation:

She and her husband had some financial issues arise due to the current economy and housing market. They had gone round and round about how to fix the situation. She currently stays home with their three children; at times she has worked part-time, but they made the decision last year to keep her at home. One of the possible solutions to their current crisis was for her to go back to work--and she even had a job offer. They tried and tried to figure out a solution that would work for their two schedules in order to meet the needs of their kids, and in the end decided that her going back to work was going to put a lot of additional stress on the entire family; among other things, her husband was going to have to move to the graveyard shift at work. So, they decided instead to look at ways that they could reduce their spending in other areas to make up what they needed. After doing this, they determined that the sacrifice of giving some things up and spending less was a better one than the sacrifice of the mommy going back to work and the family making the necessary adjustments.

So far, so good, right? Not everyone can make that scenario work out, but they were grateful to find that they could have what they valued most. Now comes the part that makes my blood boil. Her mother-in-law finds out and reams her. Being a stay-at-home mom is a luxury, she says. You are just being lazy because you aren't willing to do what it takes when your family needs it. It is your responsibility to send those kids to day care and get a job if your family needs the money. Etc., etc. You get the picture.

My friend was left feeling confused and angry, and began to wonder if she was being selfish. Thank goodness she called me.

My dear friends, there is NOTHING lazy or selfish about being a stay at home mom. The very idea is ludicrous to me. How many of you get to sit around being lazy all day? Is it all about going to lunch with your friends, getting manicures, and catching up on your favorite shows? In my life, those things are rare. On the contrary, SAHMs have hard work to do, have hard sacrifices to make, and they do it for the good of their families.

Yes, it is a blessing to be a SAHM. I am grateful for the life that I have. I am blessed to have a husband who supports and shares my desire to have our children be raised by their mother. But it is not the selfish choice. We have had to make many sacrifices, most of them financial, in order to have me stay at home with our children, and I'm willing to venture that most of you SAHMs out there can say the same thing. And yet, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Since when is it selfish or lazy to go without some materialistic things for the sake of your family's well being? Of course, the underlying idea is that what your children need more than a mommy is the stuff that money can buy. And that is a dangerous, destructive thought.
So if you are battling with the idea that being at home to raise your children is a lazy or selfish luxury, please let the battle be over. Remember what is most important--and it isn't the things that you can buy at the mall (although those things are really pretty, I know!) It is the relationships we have, especially with our family. It is about raising children who are confident in our love, who have learned how to treat others with respect, who have learned the values that we work hard to teach them. It is about keeping our family unified and providing them with an environment that fosters love and learning. It is about showing our children that they come first.

And if you happen to be a woman who values all those things, but whose circumstances will just not allow you to be home with your children, regardless of the sacrifices that you might make, know that the Lord sees your heart and will bless you accordingly. I watched my own mother go back to work against her will when her youngest was 8 years old, because she was suddenly widowed. She was thrust into single parenthood and was forced to provide for the needs of her family by working full time. And I know that Heavenly Father blessed her family and made up the difference because circumstances would not allow her to do what her heart desired. I guess that my point is not to trash working moms but to validate those who make the choice to be at home.

You go, girls!

Party Wrap-Up

So last night's party was a success. We figure that we had about 90 people come, a few less than RSVP'd, but not too shabby! We had plenty of food, although we did have Jared's parents run to the store for ketchup, then 1/2 an hour later for mustard (what can I say--I don't think straight under pressure--can you imagine how scary it would be if I actually had alcohol at my parties?)
I really realized how many people help make our annual event a success. As already mentioned, Jared's mom and dad are the ones who run to the store for everything we forgot, plus I think Dad made three trips earlier in the day between his house and ours with tables, chairs, a crockpot . . . you get the picture. Then, there was Christine, who offered to have the boys come over and play after naptime. I was sure that I'd be fine without her generous offer, but by 3:00 it sounded pretty darn good. Nancy showed up at 4:00 and said, "I've got an hour. Put me to work!" and proceeded to vacuum most of the house (I had only gotten to the family room so far) and to clean up Ian's room, which he had torn apart during his naptime. My wonderful sister, Alli, showed up about 4:30 with her arms full of decorations (which I hadn't asked her to bring but which made such a great addition to my two little decorations!) She is so good to think of the things that I don't.
We are so blessed to be surrounded by family and friends, and this annual tradition always helps us remember how wonderful that is.
Anyway, here are some pictures for you to enjoy. As you can see, Colonel Sanders attended to festivities (complete with his accent). So did my newest adorable nephew, Isaac, who came as himself.
Here are a few other party goers, enjoying their food, conversation, and other delights (like the train table, which was a hot spot!)
James was so in love, he wanted to share his Skittles with Bronwen. Thankfully, his mother intervened!
Henry felt so let down when the party was over. Here's where I found him when everyone had gone.Dad and Kimball were crashed in the living room at about the same time.
Hope you can make it out next year, dear readers!

Michal's Post Picks

I have been internet impaired this week as our home computer died. Jared has been generously leaving his laptop at home for half a day each day, either leaving it until lunchtime or bringing it home to me at lunchtime (I love that he works one mile away. It is so much better than his previous 50 minute each way commute.) Anyway, I haven't had time to blog and the computer all at the same time.
I'm only slowly getting caught up on reading some of my favorite blogs, but I thought I'd give a few highlights to check out.
First, you have to see the video on Mahina's post about her younger brother. He's dancing on stage at a Bare Naked Ladies' concert in a green dress. What is most amazing is how long they let him stay on stage and sing along with him!
Next, check out the love story continued on the Pioneer Woman's blog. If you haven't been keeping up with it, you'll be tempted to go back and read the other installments. Trust me, folks, there is surely a bidding war going on over the movie rights to her story.
Then, there is a feast for the eyes on Vanessa's blog. She's Morgan's sister (of One More Moore) and she just got married. She posted some gorgeous bridal shots. The photography is breathtaking and the dress (made by her oh-so-talented mother) is fierce! And if you read down a few posts, you can also catch her story of meeting her husband. (Seems to be a recurring theme. Kimberly is also doing a soap opera version of her own love affair. Who needs chick flicks when you can read great blogs?)
Dawn over at Because I Said So shares her thoughts on love, forgiveness, and curse words. She's always good for a laugh.
Anyway, that should keep you busy until I have time to post something of substance.

Gi rls Will Be Gi rls

As we were walking up the soccer field for Henry's game yesterday, I caught this moment between two of the players on his team, Marissa and Eliza.
Just by looking at them, you can see that they are anticipating the game, but also having fun being together. And don't you love a little
gi rl who brings her pink purse to the game? Accessories are just so important when bringing together an outfit! Incidentally, Marissa is an intense player, pink cleats or no.
Anyone who says that little boys and g i rls are no different hasn't spent much time around them.