The Voices in My Head

4:30AM. The alarm clock wakes me up. Today, I get out of bed quickly and head for the bathroom, thinking, "That was a decent night's sleep. No one woke me up in the middle of the night." I calculate and realize that I slept for 6 1/2 hours. That's when the voice in my head, the one I've decided to name Fat Girl, pipes in.

FG: Six and a half hours!? You think that's good? You'll need more than that if you are going to get your to-do list done today, let alone get through the day without yelling at your kids!

Luckily, Skinny Girl was awake this morning, too, so the battle in my head commenced.

SG: Sure, it would feel good to sleep some more, but you have to be up by 6:00 anyway to get the kids up and off to school. You haven't been to spin class in two weeks. You need this.

FG: You can go on Wednesday. Your spin buddy is out of town, after all. And they may run out of bikes before you get there. You don't have one reserved, remember?

SG: Oh, brother. How many times are you going to buy that excuse?

FG: And what about your hair? If you go back to bed, you won't have to wash it today.

SG: What about your jeans? You want them to keep getting tighter? Maybe move up a size?

At this point, I am leaning towards Skinny Girl and begin getting dressed. Fat Girl gives up-- for a while. I am 20 minutes into spin class when she shows up again.

FG: I'm tired. Can't you switch to a lower gear? Maybe just stay for half the class and then go do some weight lifting? Or head home and get a head start on the day?

SG: Ugh. Would you please leave me alone?! If I made the effort to come, I might as well get a decent workout in.

This morning, Skinny Girl was louder than Fat Girl, but it doesn't always work that way. And they don't just put in their two cents about workouts. Oh, no, they have lots to say when I am grocery shopping, when I am home alone with chocolate in the house, or when I'm running errands a little too near the cupcake place.

That's why I've decided to give them such decisive names. I know that I should be aiming toward Healthy Girl instead of Skinny Girl and I don't have anything against fat people. I just thought I'd take a page from the spin doctors who come up with powerfully suggestive names in order to sway how we think of things. I thought of a few examples, but I try to keep this blog from being overly political, so I'll just leave it up to your imagination:) Anyway, I figured that calling that negative voice in my head "Fat Girl" might make it easier for me to find the strength to shut her up more often than if I called her "Relax and Enjoy Yourself Girl".

How do you stop the voices in your head? I'd love to use some of your strategies, so please share.

No Liars Here!

For some strange reason, even though my boys can run crazy all over the house or park, they seem completely incapable of running laps at soccer practice without bringing shame to the family name. Jared's family name, of course. You see, I see myself in them. I have never enjoyed running, nor have I been very good at it. But I do firmly believe that if I learned to push myself harder and run more often, I could be better at running. And I am noticing that in many areas (not just physical) I am needing to teach the principle that "we can do hard things." I do not want to raise kids who give up at the first sign of some hard work.

So, in an effort to teach my boys how to be runners and how to do hard things, I have determined to add lap-running to our curriculum. In all honesty, this event occurs about once a week, although I pictured it happening on a daily basis. And it's my fault. Did I mention that I hate running?

Today after Henry's speech appointment we headed over to the park with a $5 pizza from my favorite franchise. The boys were surprised to find out that before we ate any of the greasy goodness, we would be running laps around the park: our age plus 2. (No, I did NOT run 37 laps; thanks for asking.)

Henry, the one who just might be confused for someone with his legs painted on at soccer practice, was the first to enthusiastically run all 8 of his laps. The kid never stopped once to walk. I don't know if his father would have been proud or infuriated, but his father wasn't there. I slapped him a high five and gave him a slice of pepperoni.

Ian finished next and threw himself down on the blanket for his reward. Five laps is really nothing for him, as he seems to have the boundless energy required for lap running--the reason that he didn't finish earlier had to do with the allure of the park equipment.

I had started running laps with them but had been seriously hampered by a 19 month old who freaks out when she sees her mother running away. I kept moving around the path and would occasionally jog for several yards, but wasn't making very fast progress with her in my arms. I guess this wasn't going to count as my workout today. I had, however, lapped Kimball, who had petered out after two laps and was walking quite slowly while moaning. The rest of us cheered him on and encouraged him through the next several laps, which he alternately walked and jogged half-heartedly.

When he got to his last 2 laps, he asked me to run with him. I got Bronwen interested in a piece of garlic bread and agreed. We took off and he sprinted far ahead (I knew he was being lazy earlier and was not so easily winded as he made out to be.) Laughing, he looked back at me and taunted:

"Mom! I'm faster than you!"

"Yes, you sure are!"

Then, with absolutely no malice in his voice, but just the matter-of-factness of youth, he said, "Maybe it's because of all that weight."

I guess it's better than having random people asking me when I'm due, but it stung nonetheless.

"Yes, son, I'm sure you're right."

I wanted to double his lap requirement at that point, but I didn't particularly want to jog 10 more with him, so I let it slide and went over to nurse my wounds with a slice of pizza pie.

Kids don't cut you any slack, do they? Your friend might tell you how great you look and that all those workouts must be paying off, but your kid will never lie. Dadburnit!

Healthy Habits Challenge Kick-Off

I promise to have a new, unrelated post up soon for those of you who are sick of hearing about exercise. But I wanted to update you that as of this morning, there are 23 people participating in the Challenge. And it's not too late for you to get strong, lean, and empowered with us! We'll all be thinner by the holidays (and ready to establish another healthy habit.)

I got up at 5:20 this morning, shocked at how dark it was--obviously, it has been several weeks since I have actually gotten up to exercise. I went on a power walk in the neighborhood for 1 hour, earning 2 points for today. It felt fantastic. While I walked, I listened to General Conference on my MP3 player, so I came home feeling uplifted, inspired, accomplished, and ready to face my long to-do list today. I am so excited that so many of you are participating because it is so much easier to do with peer pressure (and money on the line).

How did you kick off the challenge today? How do you plan to? Leave a comment! And if you haven't joined yet, think about it. We'd love to have even more join us.

You Know You Want To

It's not too late to join us in our Healthy Habits Exercise Challenge! Leave me a comment or send me an email and I'll add your name to our roster. Click on the picture at the left to see our website. You know you want to join us. As of writing this, we have 11 people signed up (my sister is the only one under duress,) and I would really like to see 20-30 of us. Not only can we all get healthy together, but that will increase the amount in the Victory Pool. So COME ON! You know you want to. Think about how strong and lean you will feel when Thanksgiving rolls around, tempting you to fill up on dinner rolls and pumpkin pie.

I need this so badly because I have been rolling over and going back to sleep way too often lately. Far too often. And eating too much ice cream, cobbler, chips with garden-fresh salsa, and bundt cakes. Bundt cakes because I have been feverishly concocting recipes for the Nordic Ware Bundts Across America contest. You may remember that it is one of my 40 before 40 goals to win a recipe contest. As far as I'm concerned, being chosen as a finalist and winning a prize of any sort would qualify. If not this one, there will be plenty of other opportunities. (Too bad another 40 before 40 goal is to weigh significantly less than I do when entering baking contests. Do I sense a paradox?)

For this particular contest, you must submit a photo of your cake with a slice taken out of it and the Nordic Ware pan next to it. Which means that you have to make the cake and not just submit a recipe. And since I am a procrastinator, and since I entered three recipes, we've got a lot of cake around here today. (The deadline was today, naturally.) So tomorrow morning I'm taking a Christmas breakfast coffeecake to a shower brunch. Hope they are feeling Christmasy! Sure, fresh strawberries and lemon pound cake would have been a better choice in August, but I'm not about to make another cake tonight. Forget about it.

As you may have figured out if you've been reading my blog for very long, sugar is my downfall. I have a major sweet tooth and find homemade treats and quality chocolates and premium ice cream to be irresistible. I can pass up a Chips Ahoy, but not a See's Candy Walnut Square Bar. I can skip a cupcake from the store but hardly ever a homemade one, especially if it has thick, buttery frosting. And never if it's this one. Possibly the best cupcakes I have ever made. But I digress. I am sure that if I ever conquer this whole sweet tooth thing, my weight management issues will be much more manageable. :)

What about you? What food is irresistible to you? What is easy to pass up, at least when you are trying to eat well? Let's discuss amongst ourselves.

Calling All Slackers!

I don't know about you, but I am constantly struggling to make my life look the way I want it to. And I don't mean the decor. I'm talking about having the habits that are important to me, including scripture study, exercise, healthy food choices, keeping my temper, dusting my house, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And one thing that I've learned about myself is that I am motivated by a few different things: accountability, vanity, and money, to name a few.

So, I've concocted a plan to help me get back into exercising daily. And I want you to join me. If you already have this habit down, you don't need to get on board (although you might join just to get the prize at the end); but if your exercise schedule could use a boost, please read further.

I am working on a google website for a healthy habits group. The first habit we are going to tackle, as I mentioned before, is exercise. If you sign up for this one, you are not obligated to stay on for future habits. Anyone can join by leaving me a comment here, and as soon as the website is published I will get you a link. Update: The website is up, even if it is a work in progress. Go here to see it. Here's the deal:

Beginning Monday, August 4th, we will track our exercise for 90 days. Sundays will be days of rest, but for all the other days we are aiming for at least 30 minutes of exercise. Each participant will earn points (up to 3 per day), 1 for every 30 minutes of exercise up to 90 minutes. If you miss a day, you owe $1 to the "Victory Pool," which will go to pay off the winners. So, if your goal is actually only 5 days a week of exercise, you can just plan on spending one dollar a week on this competition.

We will tally fines at the end of each month and submit them then. At the end of the 90 days, the person with the most points earned and the person with the fewest days missed will split the Victory Pool.

There is no charge to join our group, but if you drop out there will be a $25 fine, plus any money you owe from missing days. The point is to help as many of us as possible develop this healthy habit, so I'm making it harder to get out of it than it is to get into it.

So, who's with me? Wouldn't it be great to have this habit well developed before the holidays are upon us? We'll take new members up through Monday, August 11th, but they will still be accountable from August 4th.

Come on. Let's get stronger, leaner, more fit! Let's do it for ourselves and for our families.

Spin

I am a wimp. I do not like to work hard, especially physically. I was always the one on the verge of puking when we ran the mile in school. Wimpy. I watch The Biggest Loser and hope that I wouldn't be like Neill, always looking for an excuse to take a break or ease up on a workout.
For this reason, I force myself to go to classes at the gym. Having an instructor there pushes me to work out harder and longer than I would on my own. Let's face it--even with my new Zen (mp3) pumping out tunes or conference talks, I still hate to be on a treadmill. It's boring and it's work.
The other problem is that I am highly uncoordinated. I could never do a cartwheel and it took me years longer than most to learn to ride a bike. Kimball was diagnosed a few years ago as having minor Cerebral Palsy, which manifests in an inability to smoothly coordinate both sides of his body. I secretly wonder if he inherited it from me and that I have been undiagnosed all these years. (At least it would be a good reason to be so clumsy.) Needless to say, I am lost and look ridiculous in an aerobics class. By the time I finally get the steps down, they have long since moved on to another step.
For the past 9 weeks, I have been going to a spinning class on Thursdays at 5:30 am. If you've never been to a spin class, it is one of the best workouts I've ever known. One of the great things about it is that you don't have to be coordinated. There are no routines to learn and no tall step to slip and fall off of in the middle of class. You ride a stationary bicycle with adjustable tension and spend the hour "riding" up hills, pushing harder and harder all the time. It makes me sweat like a man. And I love the way it makes me feel. I do not, however, love getting out of bed at 5:00 am one day a week.
But this week, I had an epiphany. If I really want to get to my goal weight, if I really want to be healthy and fit, then I might have to pay a higher price. I might have to get my sorry, wimpy, clumsy butt out of bed before it wants to be more than once a week. Getting up at 6:00 to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill most mornings is not cutting it. I checked out the schedule at the gym and found that on other mornings, there is a 5:00 am spin class. Why does that seem so much earlier than 5:30? Perhaps because I actually have to set the alarm for a time that starts with a 4. That's just plain obscene!
Tuesday night I decided to go to that dark and early class the next day. "Think of it as a last chance workout before your weigh-in," I told myself (you have to watch TBL to get that.) Not only did we go to bed at 9:30, but I wore my workout clothes to bed! The next morning--if you can call it that--when the alarm went off, I wanted to die. Instead, I pulled myself out of bed, put on my shoes, socks, and contacts, and headed for the door. The streets were empty and I wondered if I was being a complete fool on the way there, tempted to turn around and go back to bed. When I arrived at the gym, I was surprised to see at least 20 people on the spin bikes--twice the attendance of the 5:30 class! As we climbed our 13th hill of the morning, it dawned on me that I was in on the secret now that these people already knew. If you want to be healthy and fit, you really do have to pay a price that is painful. But everything truly worthwhile in life requires sacrifice and hard work, doesn't it?
I left the gym at 6:00 feeling invigorated, accomplished, and sweaty. Amazingly, by the time my kids needed me to be their mom at 7:00 am, I had already showered and spent 30 minutes studying the scriptures. Not a bad way to start the day.
I am planning on making it to an early morning spin class three times a week from now on. I'm posting about it so that you'll expect it from me and even follow up with me once in a while. And if you've never been to a spin class, you might just want to give it a try. Just remember your water bottle!