Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Only 121 Shopping Days Left!

Those of you who know me well know that I am notorious for compiling my birthday wish list in April (two and a half months before my husband starts shopping,) and as soon as my birthday is over, I begin planning for Christmas. The grown up version of me does start planning the gifts I'm giving as well as the ones I'd like to get from early on--when you have a large extended family to buy for, you can't put it off until after Thanksgiving.
If you are like me and are starting your Christmas shopping now, I am about to offer some help with my gift (since I'm quite sure that all of my loyal readers will be sending me an extravagant gift this year) : a list of things that I definitely do not want. I was inspired to compile such a list after receiving a holiday gift catalogue in the mail. It claimed to be full of things perfect for "everyone on your list" and I found a lot of ridiculous items that I never want to receive, let alone find a place for in my home. Perhaps you will laugh as hard as I did (and cringe) at the thought of giving or receiving of the following gifts on Christmas Day. On the other hand, if you are looking for the perfect white elephant gift, you might check out the link to this catalogue.

#1. Please don't get me a visor clip with hokey flowers and trite phrases reminding me to drive safely. I'll drive the way I drive with or without one of these babies. For the record, I've never had a ticket. Do you think I could be jinxing myself?
#2. Whatever you do, please don't get me this Animal Accent Lamp. I am not interested in the horse, the bear, or the eagle's head lamp, even if it can be used for a nightlight. I can think of better ways to "bring a touch of nature indoors."
#3. I don't need the Precious Moments Doll-of-the-Month either. Or any other Precious Moments doll.

#4. I have plenty of socks to meet my needs. And I will never need John Deere socks. I can see, perhaps, buying them for the three year old who is nuts about tractors, but WHY do they have these in Ladies' sizes??
#5. Why would you give this as anything other than a gag gift? Check out this novelty dog and cat bowl:
#6. This might be a great gift for the hunter in your life, but please think of his wife before buying this for him. Would you really want it on your mantle?
#7. Please please please do not get me this bedding. Yes, my kids would think it was cool, but when they have their own houses they are welcome to fill them with dolphin blankets and tiger pillow shams. I know, I'm a party pooper.#8. Who buys this stuff??
So, put away your wallets, folks. I've decided that I don't need anything this year. That is, unless you're looking through the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book instead of this one! The 2007 edition is released in September and will surely have something even better than last year's offering of a charter flight to space for $1.7 million and change.


Anonymous said...

My sides hurt I'm laughing so much... I have often wondered "WHO BUYS THIS JUNK" I agree if your thinking of one of these gifts for me Thanks but no Thanks!!! I think gifts should reflect that you know me and took a little time to find the right gift for me ... Would'nt you agee ? I'm really not ready to Christmas shop being that it's 100' out today it makes it a little hard to be in the spirit but it's a good reminder that it's around the corner...

Michal said...

yes, the perfect gift involves actually thinking about what the recipient would want. i am sometimes guilty of getting them something that i would want if i were them. i guess i have too high an opinion of my own tastes!

Rebecca said...

He he he. Just giggling!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is hilarious! I was cracking up reading it. The dog bowl was the best! I have enjoyed reading your past blogs and can't wait to try some of your recipes.
(One of Jared's favorite patients for almost 2 1/2 years. I met you at one of my husbands show awhile ago)

Rhonda said...

Aaaaack!! Christmas is that near? What have I been doing? Thanks for another thing to stress about a week before school starts.

Michal said...

thanks for the compliments. i'm always thrilled to know that i have a new reader! let me know how the recipes go.

Michal said...

never fear. you still have plenty of time. besides, the year ian was born (fall) i did all my shopping in november on ebay.the only bummer is that most ebayers don't gift wrap!