Our Ian is the easy, laid back, thank-goodness-we- have-him kind of kid. Case in point: He slept through the night (12 hours) long before he was two months old. He proved to be uber-flexible when it came to napping schedules, since he was always being woken up to pick up someone from preschool or so his mom could fulfill her demanding church calling. He was cheerful nearly always and a joy to be around. People were always commenting on how sweet he was, how compliant, how easy to watch. Sure, he was busy, but since he announced everything he was going to do before he did it (we called him "the Narrator"), it was easy to nip problems in the bud.
But this clone "Ian" that the aliens left us has an altered personality. He is anything but compliant, and nothing we do seems to motivate him to do what we want him to. He doesn't respond to threats, bribes, begging, time outs, spankings . . . who ever heard of a human child like that? Instead of being flexible and laid back, he now has rigid alien customs that he must abide by:
- that his blankets need to cover his legs but not his feet
- his toast needs to be cut diagonally
- he cannot wear a pair of shoes that is not his current favorite, regardless of whether it is appropriate for the occasion or outfit
- he has stopped eating everything in sight and has decided that he won't eat half of our human food
- cameras inflict physical pain on his alien brain, and thus he cannot tolerate having his picture taken, and will run screaming from the room in agony when one is produced
We are loathe to give him up until we get our own Ian back, but we implore you to make this rescue mission a top priority. We can only imagine what alien Ian will be like as a teenager.