Mars and Venus

I have a wonderful husband. We are alike in many ways: both strong-willed and stubborn, both determined, both on the strict side when it comes to dealing with our kids, poor things. We have a similar sense of humor (if you aren't considering boy/potty humor), we are passionate about our faith, and we like good food. We love Russia, the Book of Mormon, California Craftsman architecture, and our kids. But like all couples, we also have our differences, some more compatible than others. He likes ESPN, I like HGTV; he likes peace & quiet, I like the house teeming with family and friends; he craves continuity, I crave variety. And there is one difference that I doubt we'll ever agree upon: birthdays.

You see, I love birthdays. There is just something wonderful about having a day all your own (although, now I share mine with Margaret,) on which people you love make an effort to make you feel special. I love getting phone calls, cards, and Facebook messages on my birthday. I love going out to dinner with my husband, having a big family dinner with my kids, and going to lunch with girlfriends. I love birthday cake and presents. I love feeling loved-- after all, don't we all love that? And I love doing the same for my loved ones on their birthdays.

But Jared, you see, CLAIMS that he doesn't care a fig about birthdays. Now don't get me wrong-- as any good husband should, he knows how important birthdays are to me and does all he can to make mine special. But when it comes to his birthday, he always says we should just ignore it. And I am left in a conundrum. Does he really want me to ignore it? Is that what would show him love in equal measure to spoiling me on my birthday? Somehow, it seems like a betrayal to not celebrate the day that he came into the world. Doesn't he need a big, chocolatey cake, at least one present that isn't new socks, and the family gathered around to sing? Doesn't he want a birthday card from me full of all the reasons I'm glad he's mine?

Sometimes I resolve to respect his wishes and treat the day like any other. But I never can go through with it. Instead, I plot to find the perfect gift for him that he hasn't asked for. He says he doesn't want anything, but I'm sure that if I find the right thing, he'll be so overcome with joy and emotion that I'll know I've finally done it. And it never has worked yet. And I am left wondering if he spends his birthday humoring me by letting us celebrate it when he just wants to watch sports and be left alone for an hour or two.

So, what shall I do? His big day (in my eyes, only) is coming up on Thursday and I still am not sure how to handle it this year. I have plead for some direction-- a family outing, a dinner date, an afternoon doing whatever he never does because he gives all his time to his family or business, but to no avail. He won't even tell me what he wants for dinner! How would you handle such a stinker? If you really loved him and wanted him to be sure of that? And in what way are you and your spouse polar 0pposites? Leave me a comment, pretty please!

The Love of My Life

Yesterday was Jared's birthday. I had planned to post this meme all about him and us, but between piano lessons, a funeral luncheon that I was in charge of, karate, car pool, and other mommy craziness, I didn't even look at blogs. He also got an MP3 player for his birthday, so when he was home, he was monopolizing the computer--and how could I say, "Would you stop doing what you want to do on your birthday so that I can pay homage to you on my blog that you don't read (very often)?" I couldn't. So I'm a day late. And since he won't read this for two weeks, that probably doesn't matter much.

• How long have you been married? 10 1/2 years. Wow. Time flies.
  
• How long did you date? We knew each other for over two years before we started dating. Once we admitted that we wanted to be more than friends, we only dated for about four months before we got engaged. We were engaged for four months, then married.
  
• How old is he? 33. And he'll be quick to tell you that he is younger than I.:)
• Who eats more sweets? I have a much bigger sweet tooth than he does. If he ever eats more sweets than I, it is usually because he is trying to "save me from them." But there is no contest who craves sweets more.
• Who is taller? He is. Even when I wear my favorite 4 inch heels.
  
• Who is smarter? He will tell you that I am, but I say that we are just a different kind of smart. He has such a clear understanding of scientific principles, the human body, and other things that are mostly gibberish to me. He has a gift for teaching complex ideas in a way that is understandable to others. It is something that makes him a good doctor--he can help his patients truly understand what is going on in their bodies and why chiropractic aids healing and health.
• Who does the laundry? These days, I do most of it, although he will help me fold it if I ask. When we were newlyweds, I was the breadwinner and he was the full-time student and house-husband. He did all of our laundry. At the laundromat. And he got there on his bike. I would usually pick him up on my way home from work after he'd been there for a good chunk of the afternoon, and he'd have all of our laundry folded and clean, except for half of my stuff that was not supposed to be dried in the dryer. I'm high maintenance like that, but Jared is all about taking care of our things, so he was willing to accommodate my wishes when it came to caring for my clothes. Now almost everything goes into the dryer--because it's a lot of jeans and knit shirts!:) I don't miss my office job, but I do miss the clothes sometimes. And the lunches out with the girls in the office.
• Who pays the bills? I do. Always.
• Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? If you mean as opposed to the wrong side (where all the kids come in the middle of the night,) then Jared sleeps on the right side of the bed.
  
• Who mows the lawn? Usually one of his patients that is trading services. But when there is no one else, he does it. He is pretty allergic to the grass and spends a lot of time sneezing after the fact.
• Who makes dinner? It's generally my job, but he will take over when asked. He does all the barbecuing, which means most of the food we eat in the summer. He also makes the weekend breakfasts and whips up wonderful waffles, perfect pancakes, and outrageous omelets . And he makes certain holiday foods--in the photo he is making our New Year's Eve Monte Cristos. Some years he deep fries a turkey for Thanksgiving to supplement my roasted bird. And he loves to pull out the deep fryer once or twice a year and invite future heart attacks.
• Who drives? He does. It pains him to have anyone else drive. We're both sure it's a control thing, but I've decided that I don't like driving well enough to battle it out. So he does, nearly always.
• Who is more stubborn? I'm too stubborn to admit that it's me!
• Who asked who out on the first date? That would be me. Although at the time, my intentions were not to get something started between us. Some girlfriends and I had purchased Les Miserables tickets at the beginning of the summer for the fall, when it was coming to SLC (I was in my last year at BYU.) We had each bought two tickets and planned to take dates. When the time came for me to invite someone, I was very conflicted. There was the boy that I had a mad crush on (but did I really want to betray my undying love?), the boy in my ward who was funny and well-dressed, but a big flirt (I knew that we'd have a great time but that would be the end of it,) and Jared. We had been good friends as missionaries and I remembered that he loved the music of Les Miserables and had never seen it. But I also knew that he would probably freak out a little bit (or a lot) at the prospect of going on a date with a former sister missionary. Did I really want to freak him out? I did kind of like him, but honestly didn't think we'd ever date, and I didn't know if he'd be too scared to be friends if I asked him out. Now that I look back on it, I deliberated this way too much, but it seemed like a major decision at the time. The night I decided to make my decision and ask someone, he and a friend dropped by my apartment (which was a bit out of the way, since he lived in Salt Lake) and I took it as a sign and asked him. He was definitely freaked out but he couldn't resist the prospect of seeing Les Mis. We had a good time, but he was also pretty tense through most of it. Oh well--it turned out well in the end, I guess.
• Who said "I love you" first? No clue. If I remember correctly, we both said it for the first time in our Valentine's Day cards. But that could be wrong. I should consult my journal, but then I'll get trapped reading and never get this posted.
• Who proposed? He did. But I knew it was coming. We had already picked out the ring and named the date. I guess it was a pretty mutual decision that he would propose. Isn't that how it often is? I guess some people (like this) are completely floored. But I knew it was coming and already had my answer ready.
• Who has more siblings? I do, at least officially. I have six and he has three. But his parents helped raise several foster Native American kids, so if you count all of them . . . .
  
• Who wears the pants? I think that we are equally yoked. He gives in a lot to my way but every once in a while he feels strongly about something, and we usually go with that. And he never wears skirts, just for the record!
  

Now that I finish up this meme, I realize that it's more about us as a couple than it is about him. So I want to add a couple of things that I adore about my husband.

• His sense of humor. It is dry and smart and out of the ordinary.
• His compassion. When he first opened his practice, it really bothered me that he treated so many people for little or no payment. After all, we had to eat and pay our mortgage. But he told me then that he had become a doctor in order to help people. And he has faith that if he does what he can to help those who need it, that the Lord will take care of us. I love that he feels that way now.
  
• His baritone singing voice. I love sitting next to him in church (in those moments when we are actually both sitting in the chapel, rather than out with a fussy baby who is missing her naptime.)
  
• His willingness to do things that he doesn't love because I love them. Like play games with his parents at least once a week. Or go to parties. Or go out to eat. Or scrub the shower (which he does because I hate it.) He still doesn't watch chick flicks, though. I guess I can't have everything.
• His organizational skills. He regularly organizes and declutters our house. I know that it is important to him, but it also improves the quality of my life.
  
• His love for the scriptures and his dedication to the gospel. Because I knew him first as a missionary, then as a friend, then as a boyfriend, etc. etc, I got a chance to see him before he was trying to impress me. I got to see what a hard worker he was, how obedient he was to the mission rules, what a good leader he was. This was very important to me in the man that I married. I am so grateful that we are on the same page in our willingness to serve in the kingdom of God. That is a huge blessing in my life.
  
• His perpetual optimism. People who know us might not realize that although I am more cheerful and he more grumpy, he is the optimist and I, the more negative thinker. He always sees the best case scenario. He never believes that anyone is being dishonest with him or has any ulterior motive. I am much more skeptical and paranoid. So he balances me well and keeps me from hiding in my bedroom, sucking my thumb in the fetal position.

This may be a day too late for his birthday, but he never was one who got excited about his birthday anyway (not like me. Now that his birthday is over, it's time to start planning for mine, which is only 11 weeks away!)

I love you, honey, and I'm glad that you're mine.

It's Raining, It's Pouring

So, Jared & I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary at the beginning of the month (as you already know if you read my blog.) We were determined to do something to celebrate it that involved leaving our kiddos with someone else, but as it approached we could think of lots of other things that we needed to spend our money on more than a getaway to somewhere fabulous. We have always been full tithe payers, but have lately been really asking the Lord to "open the windows of heaven and pour [us] out a blessing." (Malachi 3:10)
So, regarding this wedding anniversary, it seems that tithing blessings kicked in to make it nicer that the money we had to spend on it. First, I received a gift card in the mail (as a thank you for helping with Laura's wedding) to the Cheesecake Factory, a chain restaurant we enjoy, which we used on the night of our actual, mid-week, anniversary. We were out $18 for a babysitter, but not bad for an evening out sans children.
Then, we remembered that we had already paid several months ago for a night at the Hyatt Regency Embarcadero in San Francisco. We'd stayed there once before and I loved the location and the bedding--those people know their linens! So we decided to go for one night and stay there, then spend all day Saturday in SF before going home. Not an entire weekend getaway, but still a nice break from the routine. Plus, we spent three days of our honeymoon in SF so it seemed appropriate. Total cost (now) on the room for us: 13 cents for some random tax.
Then, Jared's patient who owns a limo service and trades with us from time to time asked Jared if he'd like to use the limo again. So, at no cost to us (except the trade) we got a ride into town and to dinner on Friday night, then picked up again on Saturday evening to go home. That meant no gas, no tolls, and no ridiculous SF parking (our hotel alone charged over $30 per night for parking.) Even the tip was part of the trade. Cha-ching. (Special bonus: no bickering over directions as we navigate a lesser-known city--priceless.)
We hit up Jared's parents to watch the boys while we were gone and paid them later in chocolate. Not a bad deal (for us, that is.) The boys can't wait for us to leave again, since Grammy and Papa took them to the circus and they had a marvelous time.
We went to dinner Friday night at a favorite Italian place, Lupa Trattoria in Noe Valley. We love their food and they always treat you like old friends, even if it's your first visit. The owner and chef actually greeted us at the door! (The photo to the left is of our appetizer--bosc pears wrapped in marscapone, then in prosciutto. Very good.)While we were eating some other patrons nearby kept ogling Bronwen (yes, we did take the baby--it was asking too much to leave her with the grandparents when she's still positively awful on a bottle.) They came up at one point and told us how much they missed their children's baby days--all teenagers now, of course. Later (after they'd had a bit too much wine,) one of them came back over and asked to touch her hair and showed us pictures of his children, etc. etc. Much to our surprise, when it was time to pay, the server announced that our bill had been taken care of by the other table! Chalk another one up for tithing!
The next day we wandered through the Ferry Building Marketplace, which is a foodie's paradise. On Saturday mornings there is a local farmer's market there, and inside the Ferry Building there are all sorts of specialty shops for artisan cheeses, wines, chocolates, breads, oils, pastries, and flowers. We sampled a few different things there and then made our way down the Embarcadero towards Pier 39 and Fisherman's Wharf (yes, totally touristy, but it was all within walking distance and it's fun to do once in a while.)
Among other things on the Pier we stopped to talk to the market researchers there and Jared qualified to do a one hour fast food taste test for a $100 pay out. At first, we thought we would both get to do it, but having the little tyke along was a problem, so I found a quiet spot to feed her while Jared did the taste test. I felt bad for him having to fill up on fast food when we were eating our way through town, but he was willing to take one for the team. (In the end they didn't need him, but paid him anyway, so he only spent 20 minutes and didn't have to sample any gross fish sandwiches, McRibs, or new-fangled fast food salads.)
All in all, we had a lovely time. We did a lot of walking, ate some of our favorite San Francisco food, enjoyed the out of doors and a Saturday that wasn't full of laundry, grocery shopping, and vacuuming. We ate in nice restaurants, picked up a few things shopping (including a "genuine" Coach wallet for $10, a gorgeous hand-silk-screened shirt sold on the street, lots of overpriced chocolate, and some used books from Helper's Bazaar, (where I got to meet the locally famous fashionista and philanthropist Joy Bianchi. She said, "You're a book person? I like book people. Come next door and let me show you some really special things." Next door, I got to see the upscale version of her shop, with vintage couture dresses, hats, and jewelry. When I googled it later, I found that was even cooler than I knew at the time.) And we did all of this for very little cash out of pocket.
Let's hear it for tithing!