Good Things in the Mail

While I was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago (yes, I am behind on my blogging. Averaging 3 1/2 hours of sleep at night really motivates you to nap instead of blog during the day), I got a few things in the mail that I am very excited about.


The first is a baby carrying-pouch sling from Dittany Baby. Even though this is my 5th baby, I've never had a pouch or wrap before. I have used a Baby Bjorn from time to time, but it is really a pain to take on and off and your baby needs to hold their head up before you can use it. Not so with this goodie. I've already used it a few times in the past week to hold Margaret when I needed to multi-task. I plan on writing a review in the next week or so after I've used it more, and when I do there will be a giveaway of some of DB's products, so be sure to check back in. And go check out Dittany Baby's other great items, including some GORGEOUS tights, skid pants (leg warmers), and car seat blankets, and more.


I also received a letter in the mail from Dreyers, informing me that I won an essay contest that I entered to have a block ice-cream party (a Neighborhood Salute, they're calling it) for 100 people in my neighborhood this summer! They are sending out a big box full of party supplies including decorations, invitations, yard signs, etc, and enough Dreyer's Slow Churned ice cream to feed 100 people! I squealed with delight. I'll blog about it later--our party is scheduled for Labor Day weekend-- but this is a contest that has been going on for years, so you should be sure to enter next year and win won for your own neighborhood.

Last but not least, my birthday present arrived.


You may already know what a fan I am of the Bosch mixers. Last fall, my mini Bosch bit the dust and I replaced it with a 20 year old Craigslist model. Then, a few months ago, that mixer, too, gave up the ghost. When my birthday rolled around, we decided it was time for us to take the plunge and actually buy the machine we really wanted and would happily use for the next 20-40 years. Hooray!

Unfortunately, since I had major surgery on my birthday and brought a new baby home shortly thereafter, I have not had the opportunity to use this already beloved and much anticipated machine. But I am going to bake bread again this week if that's the only thing my family eats one day for dinner. I'm sick and tired of Orowheat!

Have you gotten anything good in the mail lately?

Wordfull Wednesday: This is Me

Cocoa over at Chocolate on My Cranium sponsors a twice monthly bloggy writing series called "Wordfull Wednesdays". Cruise on over and check it out!

The Wordfull Wednesday topic this week is "This is Me." As I mused over the many different directions I could go with such a theme, I finally decided to share with you a few foods that are much like me. If you know me well, you know that food and I are close pals; we go way back. And I just can't seem to break up with food no matter how many times I think it might be good for me. So here goes:

Who am I? I am a piping hot dish of homemade mac n cheese. (Never, never the kind made with powdered cheese--how dare you!) I am the one you can come to when you need comfort. I have always been the shoulder to cry on, the friend who hears your ranting and venting, the one you tell all of your secrets. I love to help people feel better about themselves, about their lives, and to assure them that everything will be okay. I'm not usually the one who will kick you when you're down by listing all the things you did to get yourself into this predicament--I'm there to catch you and to pick you up and dust you off.

Who am I? I am the big pot of soup on the stove, always ready to stretch to feed a few more. If you stop by my house hungry, you can be sure that you won't leave that way. My husband (and a couple of my kids who overload easily) would surely function just fine if there were fewer people around, but I love having friends and family in our home, eating and laughing and talking.

Who am I? I am the chocolate fountain just begging for a party to begin. Beckoning to everyone, tempting you from across the room to come on over. My family knows that I will always try to convince them to come to our house for any holiday or visit; I lure them with food, with grandkids or nephews, with promises of great weather or an afternoon at the pool, with anything that might tempt them to come. And if I had my way, I'd throw a party every month or so. I love parties, (although I haven't learned yet how to have a party without anxiety, which is one big reason why I don' t have them more often!)

Who am I? I am a bowl of Rice Krispys. Snap, Crackle, Pop! I rarely stop talking, unless it's to hear what you have to say (and I have a terrible habit of interrupting.) Always going a mile a minute, you are unlikely to have quiet when I'm in the room.

Who am I? I am a cold glass of limeade. Not content with being plain old lemonade, always the overachiever. Or at least the wannabe overachiever. And I try not to let on how much work it was to pick those limes and squeeze them all, then make the syrup . . . somehow appearing effortless is part of being an overachiever. And yet, limeade is unpretentious and old-fashioned, which I hope I am. For all of my perfectionism, I don't expect you to be perfect and I know deep down that I won't be, either.

And lest this makes you believe that I'm closer to perfect than the average girl . . .

Who am I? Most of the time, I am soft, pillowy, white marshmallow. I wish it wasn't true, but it is! I may be a regular at the gym, but I am generally soft and squishy. Especially my belly. Sigh.

Who am I? Sometimes I am a brittle egg, ready to crack at any moment and make a mess of things in the process! Those days, I feel sorry for my poor children and their fragile, tense mother.

Who am I? Occasionally I am the frenetic popcorn, popping away, running in every direction without taking the time to think, to breathe, to plan. Those days, I feel sorry for my cooler headed husband, who never seems to do anything without planning to do it first and who is rarely stressed out. (I feel sorry for him because he has to deal with me, not because he doesn't stress!)

Who am I? Some days I am the limp, over-cooked piece of lasagne, feeling worn out and unwilling to perk up much. I just want to be left alone and any little demand on me feels like enough to finish me off. Luckily, those days don't come around very often.

Who am I? I am a daughter of God. I know this first and foremost, and I know that on those days when I am struggling with the egg, the popcorn, the lasagne, or even the limeade, I can turn to Him and He will give me peace. Knowing that I am His daughter, knowing that He knows me personally and cares about my little life is what makes me who I am. It allows me to look outside of myself, to stretch myself (and allow myself to be stretched), to find peace in the midst of turmoil. I can put my trust in Him and He will lead me by the hand. He will love me with my faults. He will make of me a precious diamond if I will allow Him to. And I know that the same is true for you. He loves you. He knows you by name. And he wants to help you become the Ultimate You. Your Best You.

Healthy Habits Challenge Kick-Off

I promise to have a new, unrelated post up soon for those of you who are sick of hearing about exercise. But I wanted to update you that as of this morning, there are 23 people participating in the Challenge. And it's not too late for you to get strong, lean, and empowered with us! We'll all be thinner by the holidays (and ready to establish another healthy habit.)

I got up at 5:20 this morning, shocked at how dark it was--obviously, it has been several weeks since I have actually gotten up to exercise. I went on a power walk in the neighborhood for 1 hour, earning 2 points for today. It felt fantastic. While I walked, I listened to General Conference on my MP3 player, so I came home feeling uplifted, inspired, accomplished, and ready to face my long to-do list today. I am so excited that so many of you are participating because it is so much easier to do with peer pressure (and money on the line).

How did you kick off the challenge today? How do you plan to? Leave a comment! And if you haven't joined yet, think about it. We'd love to have even more join us.

You Know You Want To

It's not too late to join us in our Healthy Habits Exercise Challenge! Leave me a comment or send me an email and I'll add your name to our roster. Click on the picture at the left to see our website. You know you want to join us. As of writing this, we have 11 people signed up (my sister is the only one under duress,) and I would really like to see 20-30 of us. Not only can we all get healthy together, but that will increase the amount in the Victory Pool. So COME ON! You know you want to. Think about how strong and lean you will feel when Thanksgiving rolls around, tempting you to fill up on dinner rolls and pumpkin pie.

I need this so badly because I have been rolling over and going back to sleep way too often lately. Far too often. And eating too much ice cream, cobbler, chips with garden-fresh salsa, and bundt cakes. Bundt cakes because I have been feverishly concocting recipes for the Nordic Ware Bundts Across America contest. You may remember that it is one of my 40 before 40 goals to win a recipe contest. As far as I'm concerned, being chosen as a finalist and winning a prize of any sort would qualify. If not this one, there will be plenty of other opportunities. (Too bad another 40 before 40 goal is to weigh significantly less than I do when entering baking contests. Do I sense a paradox?)

For this particular contest, you must submit a photo of your cake with a slice taken out of it and the Nordic Ware pan next to it. Which means that you have to make the cake and not just submit a recipe. And since I am a procrastinator, and since I entered three recipes, we've got a lot of cake around here today. (The deadline was today, naturally.) So tomorrow morning I'm taking a Christmas breakfast coffeecake to a shower brunch. Hope they are feeling Christmasy! Sure, fresh strawberries and lemon pound cake would have been a better choice in August, but I'm not about to make another cake tonight. Forget about it.

As you may have figured out if you've been reading my blog for very long, sugar is my downfall. I have a major sweet tooth and find homemade treats and quality chocolates and premium ice cream to be irresistible. I can pass up a Chips Ahoy, but not a See's Candy Walnut Square Bar. I can skip a cupcake from the store but hardly ever a homemade one, especially if it has thick, buttery frosting. And never if it's this one. Possibly the best cupcakes I have ever made. But I digress. I am sure that if I ever conquer this whole sweet tooth thing, my weight management issues will be much more manageable. :)

What about you? What food is irresistible to you? What is easy to pass up, at least when you are trying to eat well? Let's discuss amongst ourselves.

Calling All Slackers!

I don't know about you, but I am constantly struggling to make my life look the way I want it to. And I don't mean the decor. I'm talking about having the habits that are important to me, including scripture study, exercise, healthy food choices, keeping my temper, dusting my house, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And one thing that I've learned about myself is that I am motivated by a few different things: accountability, vanity, and money, to name a few.

So, I've concocted a plan to help me get back into exercising daily. And I want you to join me. If you already have this habit down, you don't need to get on board (although you might join just to get the prize at the end); but if your exercise schedule could use a boost, please read further.

I am working on a google website for a healthy habits group. The first habit we are going to tackle, as I mentioned before, is exercise. If you sign up for this one, you are not obligated to stay on for future habits. Anyone can join by leaving me a comment here, and as soon as the website is published I will get you a link. Update: The website is up, even if it is a work in progress. Go here to see it. Here's the deal:

Beginning Monday, August 4th, we will track our exercise for 90 days. Sundays will be days of rest, but for all the other days we are aiming for at least 30 minutes of exercise. Each participant will earn points (up to 3 per day), 1 for every 30 minutes of exercise up to 90 minutes. If you miss a day, you owe $1 to the "Victory Pool," which will go to pay off the winners. So, if your goal is actually only 5 days a week of exercise, you can just plan on spending one dollar a week on this competition.

We will tally fines at the end of each month and submit them then. At the end of the 90 days, the person with the most points earned and the person with the fewest days missed will split the Victory Pool.

There is no charge to join our group, but if you drop out there will be a $25 fine, plus any money you owe from missing days. The point is to help as many of us as possible develop this healthy habit, so I'm making it harder to get out of it than it is to get into it.

So, who's with me? Wouldn't it be great to have this habit well developed before the holidays are upon us? We'll take new members up through Monday, August 11th, but they will still be accountable from August 4th.

Come on. Let's get stronger, leaner, more fit! Let's do it for ourselves and for our families.

Writing Contest: The Results Show

Thank you to all of you who participated in my first writing contest. Each of you taught us (or reminded us about) something special about motherhood. There were so many wonderful essays submitted that I was glad that it was my marvelous mother-in-law's responsibility to choose the best, rather than mine! She spent a great deal of time poring over them and in the end chose a first, second, and third place winner. And they are simply wonderful.

Congratulations to Lei from My Many Colored Days, whose essay, "A-ha!" took first place. Her essay, if you haven't read it yet, was all about becoming the perfect mother through Christ, but letting go of the notion of being "the perfect mother." Myrna's (MIL/judge) comment on it was:

"This is a lesson that will stand you in good stead the rest of your life. We are all dependent on His grace and as women striving for perfection, we often get lost in the independence we think we have."

Lei has a beautiful and inspiring blog and I recommend that you meander over there and take a look. She has lots to say on the issues that affect mothers today.


Second place goes to Lizzy at My Ice Cream Diary for "Ah-ha!", which she amazingly wrote this when her newest baby, Cheeks, was less than one week old. Her epiphany had to do with appreciating her mother after all the years of criticizing her ways. It was funny, warm, and oh, so familiar. Here are Myrna's comments:

"I'm sorry. I have a little bias here as I am on now on the wise and wonderful side (even when I'm neither wise nor wonderful). But this is a time honored epiphany of motherhood. It's a safe bet that this time one generation ago your mother was calling your grandma and saying, 'She hates me!'"

Third place goes to Lucy at An Ordinary Mom, with "The Duck Pond." She writes about learning to live in the moment and not always rushing on to the next thing. The judge said:

"This speaks to me even as a woman who is no longer focused on the busy-ness of motherhood anymore. I like the duck pond and I suspect there is another lesson in the distractions that made the rest of the walk peaceful. Hmmmm."

If you haven't already, go on over to their blogs and read them for yourself. You'll feel inspired, you'll enjoy a good laugh, and you may just decide to set a new goal for your mothering self.

To all who participated, please please send me an email with your postal address so that I can mail out these cookbooks. (Truth be told, I have yet to burn them for you--but I've only gotten two emails with addresses so far.) I will get them out to you very soon.

One More

This post came to me via email (before the deadline) and the author wishes to remain unnamed, as this is something that she holds very close to her heart. I asked her if I could publish it without her name because I know that her pain and anguish is something that many other women can relate to--and others, upon reading it, may not take their own fertility for granted.

My epiphany about motherhood came many long years before I ever had the chance to be a mother. I always assumed that my life as an adult would look something like my mother's. I would own a red and yellow striped superwagon to fit in all of my 12 kids. I'd do market runs at 5:30 AM and stay up all night to help with California mission reports and life would be crazy and chaotic and happy and good. But after trying for quite a while to get pregnant, my vision started to blur. Especially after my frightening miscarriage and accompanying complications. I still wanted exactly what I'd always wanted, without any adjustments, but as the years ticked by, I kept knocking off one child-one by one- on my dream list. I was getting older, and I was running out of time to have 12. After about five years, with age 30 looming, I finally had to face the reality that it was possible that we could be childless. Childless. I didn't know what to wish for if I couldn't have children. All of my adult dreams were based on having a family. All that was left with a void. I was angry and frustrated and I felt myself shutting myself down emotionally to cope with the devastating possibility.

Still, I harbored a bit of hope that maybe it might still come to pass. So we waited and prayed and went to the doctor. A lot. And while I was waiting, and praying, and going to the doctor, I was thinking about what kind of mother that I wanted to be. I was thinking about what I wanted to give to my children, those children that were either not going to show up, or were going to show up very late in diminished numbers. So when our first baby came, so pink and pretty and perfect, I knew what I had to be. And it didn't feel like a sacrifice-it felt like a dream come true, a privilege, a saving miracle. When a second child came, it was like a wrapped gift that I could carry around with me always. I wasn't planning or expecting it, so it was all the better. I'm not a perfect mom. I'm cranky and crabby and demanding, at least once every day. But I really love my children. And even though I don't have 12 or a superwagon, I still have a crazy and chaotic and happy and good life. And I still have to make 5:30 market runs and stay up all night to help with reports. And the void is gone, completely filled in by those two sweet little spirits that I'm privileged to call mine. I don't even want 12 anymore; I'm too busy being happy being me. Mother of two.

Time's Up!

Thank you so very much to all of you who participated in the writing contest. I was a little discouraged at first at how few were participating, but once I extended the deadline and upped the ante when it came to prizes, the entries came in, and they were just what I hoped for. Women sharing ways that motherhood has been a blessing to them, ways that the Lord has whispered peace to their hearts about mothering, ways that they have been changed forever because they are mothers. I posted links to most of our contributors a few days ago, so please take the time to read them and leave a comment so they know how many they have touched by writing about such personal moments.

I will get the entries off to Myrna, our distinguished judge, without the authors' names showing so that she can't be swayed by personal bias. We'll have a winner announced in a few days. As for me, I need to start burning CDs for you! If you participated in this contest, please shoot me an email with your snail mail address so that I can send your CD cookbook. My email is sleepymumATgmailDOTcom.

In the meantime, I am bemoaning the tragic loss of the 435 photos I took over my two week trip. Photos of sunrise in Provo, UT, a hot air balloon launch, of cousins frolicking and loved ones gathering, photos of parades and dinosaur museums, photos of Temple Square with our kids, photos of work projects at my mom's . . . GONE. I'm really not sure what happened, but somewhere between importing my photos and accessing them they disappeared without a trace. I'm really hoping to pray them back so that I can properly regale you with tales of our odyssey.

Sweet Affirmation

This is posted by a guest, Robin, who wanted to participate in the writing contest and does not have a blog. Thank you, Robin, for joining in the fun anyway, especially since you have so much wisdom to share!

Sweet Affirmation

I started motherhood early, and it was planned that way. I had always wanted to be a mom, I married my sweetheart at the tender age of 18 (and this month it will be our 35th anniversary.) Two weeks later I was pregnant and on the road to motherhood. I have never regretted starting so early, and have raised four nearly perfect daughters.

Since it was my career being their mom, I only took on the smallest of jobs here and there - working a few hours a week at the school as an aide, or the more lasting job of daycare in our home, which evolved into my nannying for a family - a wonderful job that spanned a decade and took place in both Massachusetts AND Arizona, where both our families resided.

So I was always the mom sitting in the stands for their games, and driving them to rehersals. We decided as parents we would always attend their concerts, their games and whatever else they were involved in. And we often had a carfull of girls when their friends' parents couldn't drive them.

And like most mothers, I was also the one who stayed up late helping with reports, making the dioramas, and proofreading book reports (and even skimming through chapter after chapter late on a Sunday night for a girl who put it off too long and was on a deadline.) My husband thought it was foolish of me to do so, that I was spoiling them somehow; "They need to learn a lesson here, face some consequences for their lack of action!" I didn't see it that way, I've always thought life was tough enough and school was the hardest part of it. Teachers would give them unreasonable tasks, saving many projects and reports to the end of the semester, and the girls were often overwhelmed by too many expectations.

But of course, like any mom, I'd find myself at the end of MY rope sometimes, running hither and yon trying to help or accomodate one of my children. Service and busy times don't come during our leisure, they usually interrupt our most hectic days.

It was on one such evening I was given a wonderful affirmation from my Heavenly Father concerning being a mom. My third daughter was in her high school play. (Three of our four girls were involved in drama and all the school plays, and I even was their photographer for many of the plays, and we attended many rehersals together.) The high school was performing The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and she was the Ice Queen.

This being dress rehersal, all the cast were at the school from the late afternoon on, and they were ordering pizza for dinner. She didn't like pizza much, and had asked if I would bring her dinner. The school wasn't too far from our house, but it was a busy day and I had to be over at Church that night for a meeting, so wedging in a dinner run to the school made for a very tight schedule. Still, as her mom, I wanted to help her out; I reluctantly made a plate and jumped into the car and hurried to the school.

As I drove, I asked out loud, "Is this really worth it? Does all this matter??" A sweet Spirit hit me almost immediately: "YES! It does matter. All the mommy things ARE important, what you are doing, all the help you give them, it is of value. What you are doing is really worth the time you are spending doing it."

It was a clear answer and I could barely see the road for the tears that came with that sweet assurance from my Heavenly Father. I knew He knew what I was doing and He valued it. I knew that the extra care I took for them, bailing them out of their homework predicaments, staying up late to help with reports, sewing costumes and prom dresses, helping out at school - all of it was indeed an important part of being a mom and He appreciated me for it.

I needed to hear that, I needed that pat on the back. The world values less and less the mom who stays home with her children. Our economy makes it harder and harder for a mother to be home instead of out working. But I'm so glad I chose to make it my career to raise my daughters, and feel immensely blessed that I could do so. I'm grateful that we were financially in a place that, even though we sacrificed many luxuries to make it work, I could be exactly what I wanted to be, a stay-at-home mom.

I am still out of town and busy with my family, but I have been receiving the most marvelous entries for the writing contest that I am sponsoring that I wanted to share with you. I encourage you to take the time to read these submissions. Each one tells of an epiphany on motherhood. Each is uplifting and genuine and teaches an important principle. And because they rescued my contest from being a dismal failure, I adore each and every one of them!:)

As I extended the date for submissions, you have until this Wednesday (July 15th) at 11:59 pm PDT to join the fun. Every contributor will receive a copy of my CD cookbook, which holds some original recipes, some old favorites that I've found other places, and basically the recipes that I consider to be my standbys-- those that I turn to time and again, year after year. So if you haven't yet, jump on board and tell us about an Ah-ha Moment that you've had on motherhood.

Here are the submissions so far, in no particular order:

My Ice Cream Diary, with "Ah-Ha!"

Terrors in Tiaras with "Different is Great"

Finding the Happy in Today with "One of the many Ah-ha Moments"

Wonder Years with "Little Drops of Water"

An Ordinary Mom with "The Duck Pond: A Lesson About Living in the Moment"

Life is Not a Final with "Ah-ha!"

Note to Self with "Out of Small Things"

Howe Thoughts with "I Really Don't Know How To Tie This One"

My Many Colored Days with "A-ha"

A Mother Heart with "There Are Angels Among Us"

The Spices of Life with "A Wonder Woman's Bad Day Turned Right"

Happy Reading! And don't give up on me. I'll be back from vacation soon with lots of posts. I promise.

Second Chances and a Recipe

In light of the fact that I have been too busy with mothering lately to blog as much as I would like, I am going to extend the date for submissions to Relishing Motherhood's writing contest. The contest will go through Wednesday, July 16th, and the winner will be announced no later than the following Monday.

I am sure that the reason that only a couple of you have entered is because you have been so swamped with important summertime activities like swimming, vacationing, organizing your house, and reading a book while your kids rot in front of the TV for a few hours. It couldn't possibly be that my readers haven't had any ah-ha moments in motherhood, nor that they aren't clamoring for a copy of my cookbook! I'm sure that it has to be something else. In fact, I am going to sweeten the deal a little (assuming that anyone is interested in this giveaway.) I will send a CD copy of this cookbook to everyone who submits an entry! That means that if you win you get all the glory and accolades, but even if you don't, you'll get a prize for participation. Because let's face it--what I really want is for people to share things that they've learned about motherhood. That way we can learn from each other. (If you don't have a blog, or if your blog is dedicated to something specific like cooking, all things organic, or underwater basket weaving, feel free to submit your essay to me via email--sleepymumATgmailDOTcom-- and I will post it on my own blog for the readers to enjoy.)

Okay, hopefully that is enough of a pep talk. Maybe I just need to accept defeat and move on--but I'm too stubborn to do so at this point.


I thought I'd take a minute to share a recipe with you. One of my favorite things since childhood has been homemade wheat bread. My mom made it for us while we were growing up. I have made it sporadically throughout my mothering years, and have made it twice a week for the past six months (I haven't had to buy any sandwich bread, which has been so great.) I have been playing with the recipe a bit lately to fill it up with healthy things, since my kids will eat bread like there's no tomorrow. So, here's the recipe and I'll include a few options at the bottom.

Rhonda's Whole Wheat Bread

• 3 cups warm water
• 1/2 cup vegetable or canola oil
• 1/2 cup honey
• scant Tablespoon kosher salt
• 6 cups whole wheat flour (I like white wheat flour best, from whole white wheat)

Mix ingredients in a stand mixer with a dough hook for 3 minutes. Meanwhile, proof the yeast:

• 3/4 cup very warm water
• 3 Tablespoons yeast
• 1/2 teaspoon sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

When yeast is proofed, add to bread mixture along with:

• 2 cups whole wheat flour
• 2 cups white, all-purpose flour

Mix on low or medium to incorporate, then on high for 10 minutes, or until dough is smooth and elastic.

Turn out into bowl sprayed with cooking spray and allow to rise in a warm place for 25 minutes. Turn dough out onto a very lightly floured surface and separate into four loaves. Shape loaves and place in greased loaf pans. Allow to rise for 25 minutes more.

Bake in 350 oven for 25-30 minutes, until bread is golden brown. Remove from oven and from pans immediately. Rub or brush tops of the loaves with butter. Allow to cool on wire cooling rack.

Variations: Substitute 1/4 cup of the oil with an equal amount of applesauce. Substitute 1/2 cup flour with equal amount ground flax seed (my current favorite), toasted wheat germ, or leftover oatmeal. Add 1/2 cup sunflower seeds with final 4 cups of flour (my kids don't love this version).

This bread is perfect for toast, sandwiches, or just with some butter on it. I generally freeze the loaves that I won't use immediately and then defrost them at room temp one at a time as needed. Since it is summer, I generally start this as soon as I wake up in the morning or after I've put the kids to bed, since I don't like to have the oven on in the middle of the day. It takes about 2 hours from start to finish.

Now, go write your entry for the contest!:)

Thoughts on Motherhood

Only 3 more days to enter the writing contest! Don't delay! Leave a comment here, with a link to your post.

Finally I am getting around to writing the post for my writing contest. No, my post will not be considered for the fabulous prize--a CD copy of my 2007 cookbook, plus all the glory of having won the contest. Only your entries, dear readers, will be in the running for such prestige. I do, however, seek to inspire you to ponder your own epiphanies on motherhood (and to share them with us.)

I started off feeling fairly confident that I would be a good mother. As the oldest of six, I had a lot of experience with mothering. I had been baby hungry for years, possibly decades, before I had Kimball when I was nearly 27. I'm sure that I had some neuroses even then, but I really began to question whether I was cut out to be a good mother when I had my second child.

I really struggled for the first six months that I had two little ones, 22 months apart. Looking back, it seems so obvious that I would struggle; Henry was colicky, Kimball was on the autistic spectrum (which we didn't know yet,) my husband was in graduate school full time while trying to support our family (and the Young Men's president at church, which is a demanding responsibility); I was working on a Master's degree from home (which I eventually dropped out of), substitute teaching once or twice a week, and a perfectionist. :) I learned during those months that I had a short temper, was easily frustrated, and was capable of yelling at my kids--things that I hadn't really imagined before. And it hurt. I wanted to be the perfect mother that I envisioned, and I knew that I wasn't her.

Thankfully, my transition to three children was much gentler. Jared bought a practice that was less than a mile away when Ian was two months old, so he was often home for lunch and didn't spend any time commuting. Ian was a perfect baby; by the time he was six weeks old, he was sleeping 10 hours at night without waking up to nurse, and a couple of weeks later he had upped that to 12 hours. We were starting to recognize that Kimball might have some special needs, and although it was an overwhelming thought, it also meant that we could get help. Nevertheless, I continued to be plagued with feelings of self-doubt, guilt, and inadequacy. I wondered if I was really cut out to be the mother to the big family that I had always dreamed of. I wondered if three boys would be our family.

One day in Relief Society (our Sunday church meeting for women,) my heart was heavy. The lesson was on motherhood and I was feeling inadequate. I was the RS President at the time, so I was sitting in the front, trying not to let my misery show on my face. The sister giving the lesson was praising her daughter-in-law as an amazing mother of five children, one of whom had Down's Syndrome. Her MIL talked about her unending patience, her constantly cheerful spirit, her unwavering faith. I know that we aren't supposed to compare ourselves to each other, but I was feeling worse and worse about myself. Why did I feel so easily overwhelmed with my three boys? Why did I lose my patience and yell at them? How could I conceive of having more children when I was such a stress case already?

Thankfully, the mother in question was present, visiting from another congregation that day. She raised her hand and said, "You are being far too generous. I have days all the time when I lose my patience. I wonder why the Lord would send me these children, who are so overwhelming to me at times. I struggle with feeling like I am a good mother."

I wanted to kiss her for her honesty. I wondered if all the mothers I admired felt the same way.

Suddenly, I felt the spirit wash over me. I sensed that Heavenly Father was comforting me, and in that moment it was as if I could hear Him telling me that I was a good mother. I also knew then that I could and should have more children and that He would help me become the mother that I wanted to be. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I felt this sweet reassurance from a Father who knew my pain and who loved me.

It has really been a process for me, but I have noticed in the years that followed that experience that I feel guilty and inadequate less and less. I do not think that this is because I have become the perfect mother. I do think that it is a blessing from a loving Heavenly Father. I have spent a lot of time studying what the scriptures and modern day prophets teach about motherhood and have spent lots of time on my knees asking the Lord for help and direction. I now feel that being a mother is just exactly what the Lord wants me to do and that He is making me into the woman that He knows I can become. I have taken greater joy in motherhood and found peace without finding the perfection I thought I needed. My house is still messy lots of the time, I still yell at my kids some (many) days, and occasionally I let my kids watch way too much TV. But I also know that the challenges of motherhood are teaching me things that I couldn't learn elsewhere. My children know that they are loved and valued. They know that I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and His Church. And even if they need professional counseling when they are older (which my mother reassures me is inevitable,) my children will still be okay because of those things.

Now, I feel strongly about helping other mothers feel that they are enough. Every mother needs to know that if she is doing her best, relying on the Lord, and pushing forward to do better, that she is a good mother to her children. And knowing that frees us up to relish motherhood in more situations and on a daily basis.

Relishing Motherhood's First Contest

One of the purposes of this blog is to help me remember to relish my motherhood. So often I get swept up in the to-do list, in the rush-rush of everyday life, in the seemingly endless piles of laundry, grocery lists, and bits of who-knows-what that need to be vacuumed from my 28 year old carpet. And yet, if I let those things define my day, my job, my life, then I've missed the whole point. I am not a stay at home mom because of those things. We could easily outsource those things if I had a full time paying-me-what-I'm-worth kind of job. We have chosen for me to be at home for the sake of our children and our marriage and our family. So why would I let my mind be consumed with the less meaningful aspects of motherhood?

I have found great joy in motherhood in the past year as I have actively sought it. Some days, I have to put "have fun with the kids" on my to-do list so that I remember. Some days I get bogged down in the other stuff and forget to relish. But as I have sought to have fun, to enjoy, to savor, I have shared such sweet moments with my children and our family. Moments that I would have missed if I hadn't slowed down and looked for the opportunities. That is one of the things that I love about homeschooling--the time that we spend learning together is quality time spent together. Every. Single. Day.

Anyhow, in a desire to share the love, I am sponsoring a writing contest.

The Topic:
An Ah-ha Moment of Motherhood. Tell me about a time when something really clicked for you and you saw motherhood in a new way. Or when you felt enlightenment in regards to your role as a mother or how you should handle a situation in your family. Or when you had an epiphany about your own mother. You get the picture. I'll be posting mine in the next couple of days.

The Rules:
Write a new post on the above topic on your blog. Be sure to leave me a comment on this post so that my readers and I can come over to your blog and read it. And please mention the contest and link to this post when you write your contest entry, so that if your readers want to participate, they'll know how to. The contest begins immediately and will go through June 30th.

The Judge:
My darling MIL, Myrna, will be our judge. She is uber-qualified as a mother, an accomplished writer, and has all the qualities one might want in a judge. She does like chocolate if you are into bribes!:)

The Prize:
A CD copy of my 2007 original cookbook, Come to Family Dinner, with over 75 of my favorite recipes for everything from Rustic Rosemary Country Bread to Apple Raspberry Crisp, and includes all of my original cheesecake recipes. I may even bake a goodie to send along with the cookbook--if I'm in a good mood and not too crazy busy, mind you.:)

If you don't have a blog and still wish to participate, please email me your entry. I claim the right to post any such entries on my blog (giving you the credit for writing it, naturally.)

I might as well face it,

I'm addicted to blog! I confess, I am having so much fun with my new little project that I wake up wondering what I'm going to write about. There are so many options and heavens knows that I never run out of things to say! I just deleted a post that was much too long all about whether or not to cut my hair. I decided not to bore you with such a self-centered topic (but if you have an opinion on short vs. long hair, please send me a comment. I'm seriously considering mine off again at my next appointment on Monday. And by the way, I made it so that anyone can comment without registering. We'll try that out and see how it works.)
This photo (by Maggie Rassmussen) was taken on our family reunion trip to Newport Beach in May, which was positively fabulous. We stayed in an amazing beach house half a block from the beach that actually had enough rooms for all 22 of us to be comfortable and not make each other too crazy. I love that Maggie caught Ian's run, because I just love watching him move--and his run is hysterical. He s himself back like he's a superhero about to take off at light speed and then dashes away and we are left grinning. Too cute. It's hard to imagine right now that he'll ever have a gawky stage when he just is so adorable.
Today I made a lemon raspberry cheesecake for my friend, Laura, who wants to do cheesecake for her wedding cake instead of the standard. After shopping around and discovering the amounts that a professionally decorated wedding cheesecake can fetch, I offered to make the cheesecake portion and recommended someone who can do the fondant and piping portion. However, that was weeks ago and I still hadn't gotten around to making a test run cheesecake (we'd like to try it out with the fondant and then put it outside an a summer's evening and see what happens.) This morning I determined to do it. Jared questioned my sanity when he came home at 1:00pm and found me in the kitchen with the oven on--since it was 105 today in our town, you do have to wonder what I was thinking.
Anyhow, this recipe is one that I created a few years ago when I was trying to win the Philidelphia Cream Cheese Taste The Riches recipe contest. I spent that fall busily coming up with cheesecakes that I thought would wow the judges and planned my trip to NYC to have lunch with the editor of Gourmet magazine, not to mention how I would spend the $100k cash prize--and then they never contacted me to tell me that I had won!
So, I'm giving it to you. One day it may go in the cookbook that I want to publish, but for now it will go to my loyal readers!:) Try it out--it's fab. Sorry for the lack of picture--it's still chilling in the pan.

Lemon Raspberry Cheesecake

• 5 8oz packages cream cheese at room temperature (the light will work if you're cutting calories and not making this for a wedding! DO NOT use the fat free. If you can't afford the calories from the light cream cheese, just have some carrots and move on!)
• 1 1/4 c. sugar
• 1 c. sour cream or light sour cream but not fat free
• 2 eggs
• 1 tsp. vanilla
• 1/4 c. fresh lemon juice (yes, fresh does make a difference)
• zest of two lemons
• 1 pint fresh raspberries (or 1 1/2 c. frozen, not thawed)
• 1 c. prepared lemon curd (Trader Joe's sells it if you don't want to make it, but it's better homemade and you'll have a little leftover to eat with a spoon!)

Preheat the oven to 350.
For the Crust: I prefer to make a shortbread crust for this, but a graham er one will work. You can make a batch of shortbread for the crust or you can buy some good shortbread cookies at Trader Joes, stick them in your food processor, and then bind them with a little melted butter and press into the bottom of your 9 or 10 inch springform pan. With either crust, I recommend baking it for about 20 minutes for it to set--if you make a shortbread recipe, cook it until the shortbread is almost done (about 45 minutes for most recipes.)

Once the crust is ready, let it cool and get started on the filling. Mix the cream cheese for about 2 minutes in your stand mixer until it's nice and creamy. Add the sugar and mix again until smooth. (If you didn't wait for the cream cheese to come to room temp you are now dealing with lumps, so just wait the extra hour for it to soften up.) Add the sour cream, vanilla, lemon juice, and lemon zest. Mix until combined, then add the eggs and mix until combined, about 1 minute on medium speed.
Pour the cheese mixture into your springform pan with the crust that's been cooling. Scatter the raspberries across the top of the pan and gently submerge them into the batter.
Put foil around the bottom of the pan and up the sides, then place the springform on a jelly roll pan (that's a cookie sheet with sides, folks). Place it in the oven and put about 4 cups of hot water in the jellyroll pan to give this baby a water bath.
Bake for about 90 minutes, but check it regularly after an hour. When it's done, it will be a bit jiggly but a knife will come out clean (or your digital instant read thermometer will say 160 F.) Turn off the oven and let it sit for an hour in there. Remove from oven but leave it in the pan. Bring to room temperature, then cover and chill overnight.
When completely chilled, remove sides of pan. Spread lemon curd over the top of the cheesecake and chill for at least one more hour. Serve with a drizzle of raspberry sauce on the plate. You should get about 16 servings from this recipe.
(Since this one is going to have fondant over it, I put the layer of lemon curd in the middle, after putting in half of the cheese mixture, and then covered it with the remaining cheese and went from there.)
Hopefully this turns out to work great and some of you will get to sample it at Laura's wedding on August 18th. I'll post a picture later.
Now I'm off to kiss my sleeping children goodnight.